Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in cavernio's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
11:37 am	Nothing new I've been not posting in my journal because either nothing interesting's happened, or else the things that have happened are things that I'm ashamed of. If anyone's worried about me, don't. I'm fine. Besides that I can't keep a job or stay in school or commit to anything. I suppose I raid in WoW a couple times a week...that's committment, right? Except that I don't even show up there all the time. And I have joined the choral society. We're doing Mozart's famous requiem, which is apparently less than half-written by Mozart. Can't figure out the name of the other composer the conductor keeps saying though. My voice is definitely not in great shape, but just a month of singing and already I'm much better at it. I spend my time playing WoW, keeping mine and Jordan's appartment clean (well, clean by my standards), and sitting around thinking about god know's what. I find that I spend hours at a time sitting still, just thinking. I also get into the occasional arguement on the critical thinking forum of FFR, that flash version of DDR for my fingers. My FFR skills are improving slowly actually. Surprisingly even, because years ago I hit the dreaded 'wall', and I didn't get better despite playing more than at any other point in my life. Now I play maybe a couple times a week for 20 min or so, and I find myself playing harder and harder songs, with decent results. Perhaps that the song list has grown so much and that I don't keep up, and that I find myself playing new songs that I don't know, it's making me get better at 'sight-reading', rather than me keeping practing songs and patterns I probably learned incorrectly in the first place. I've discovered imeem.com, where I haven't so much exposed myself to new music, but redicovered old music I had lost. It's like the new napster. I go through fits of watching certain shows on TV. Got really into law and order, the original ones, although my interest is waning. Got into What Not to Wear and Family Feud too. Now they're terribly boring, as they should be! Haven't gotten into watching soap's tho, don't think I ever will. I suppose the good thing about not having watched much TV in the past 5 years is that it's all brand-new. Everything except for those daytime adds on tv targeted at people just like me where some ditsy, way too-good looking and over-make-upped person says things like "If I got a degree and now have a satisfying career being a dental assistant, you can do it to!". Congratulations TV adds. You show me how people dumber than me make infinite more money than me, while making me want to NOT get one of your unsatisfying degrees. Yes yes, I'm actually fine. I like waking up in the morning and not being so upset about having to do some stupid task that takes over my thoughts and makes me terribly guilty when I know I just won't do that thing. I'm a leech. I can live with that. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
10:06 am	Why I love electronica http://www.imeem.com/alluring1/music/lz-ZJESv/the_flashbulb_beaker_sunset/ With the word 'sunset' in the name, I imagine a landscape. On Mars maybe. It's red, barren, flat, cold, and dusty. Maybe one of the mass effect planets. I'm most fond of the beginning I suppose, which is also the part that evokes this image in my mind. The rest of it is actually a tad too...exciting or generic to make the song totally awesome. That hollow sound that's semi-pervasive throughout the track makes the wind. Make sure to listen to it with headphones to catch the panning. I love panning in music, which is kinda odd but neat in that placement of sound is a part of music too. Also, speaking of mass effect, the map music is also great. I've sat there and just listened to it a good many times when I was playing it. That's probably be even better in full stereo too. I also seem to love music that has beats in 3/4 and 4/4 at the same time, (there's a word for a song that has 2 time signatures that run simultaneously, but I can't think of it) which this piece has. The 3 beat kicks in at 17s in this link, shortly followed by a few other off-beat rhythms. Right before it loops again is where the 3/4 (6/8?) vs. 4/4 is the most obvious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-19bl4_SDfI (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
7:14 am	Go see walle I thought about leaving my post at that, since I think it'd be pretty funny to not actually make a post about anything, but I've got stuff to say about it. It was the best movie I've seen in theatres in a few years I think. I'm actually drawing a blank to any movies I've seen in the past few years in theatres though. It was totally original and very unexpected. Kim, I agree with you that 'cute and rather dystopian' fit, but that just makes me think of the 3 blind men and the elephant. I also suggest going to see it in theatres if it's still around, if only because of all the nice little detail that's in CG movies these days. If you've missed your chance, keep it in mind for your 'to see' list. Ok, not that much to say. Go see walle. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
3:15 pm	plan? learning I have no excuse for not updating, especially since I've had plenty of stuff going on in my life, lotsa ideas floating around in my head, and for at least a few months, tons of time. As many people know now, I've begun another undergraduate degree, this time in Computer Science. It was a very spur-of-the-momeny decision, (I barely made the deadline) encited by my lack of a) a job (I quit the co-op job. It was driving me nuts, and also paid a pittance) b) available jobs that I actually wanted and c) thoughts about the glamourous job of becoming a prof. So, I had basically decided that I needed to go back to school, but I didn't have an idea as to a degree. CS seemed the most practical one, where I could easily get a decent job I'd likely like, that would also give me some useful skills/knowledge for cognitive psychology, if I so chose to go down that path. So here I am, exams a couple weeks away, me feeling stressed and overworked, yet ultimately happy with my decision. That said, I recently had a proposal from Prof. Voyer, the professor who hired me on some grant money to help him with research, that I apply to do a PhD with him. He also said I might have problems getting into the program because of my low GPA for my psyc degree, which is the only reason I've not applied here or elsewhere for a masters, but I've so far gotten excellent grades this term, so maybe they'll help. But, he ultimately wanted me as a student. Part of me thinks I'm stupid to not jump on this. Another part of me thinks that through my CS degree, I may want to get into a slightly different field of research, one which ultimately seems like it'd more useful/productive. (There's so much guesswork and theory, and so little concrete support for anything in psychology, even cognitive psychology.) When I mentioned my plans to fully finish my CS degree, Voyer mentioned something about cognitive psychologists with CS degrees currently being in high demand, and he said something about him never being able to get who he wants to work with him. On a slight downside, it looks like the funding that's paying me won't be renewed for next year, so I'll be out of a job. However, I was thinking it'd be hard to juggle 15 hrs/week of (sometimes) very brain-intensive work on top of a full set of 2nd and 3rd year courses. I also might be able to be a TA or something in the CS dept. Deadlines for applications for the PhD are looming for next fall right now. Plus I'd have to write GRE's (why is it that anyone I know who's been to grad school didn't have to write these things?? Stupid psychologists.) Onto other news, I'm moving out of my parents house in the next couple of days. I was going to hold out until after christmas, but not anymore. I think I detest my parents 90% of the time. I'd like to say that moving out will cool things down for me, but I'm not sure it will. I've begun holding grudges ever since highschool against each of them for various reasons. They're utterly dumbfounded by this, and its clear that whenever I explain why, they just think I'm overly emotional, am on the 'wrong' side of an argument, am being childish, am acting crazy, etc. In any case, I don't mean to rant about this. My new home for at least the next month or so is the same house Aiden lives in. I'm renting a room on the top floor that has 2 cats and hopefully no fleas. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
9:56 pm	Wow. I haven't updated in a long time. I've also not checked out other people's blogs much either, but Jordan assures me that no one's really updated. My job at the co-op's starting to grow on me, for better or worse. I have no idea how standing around can grow on you, but it has. I supposed you just get to start to know everyone, especially when it's your job to recognize as many people as possible. I'm also getting benefits now. They're also giving me all the time off I ask for, which is good, especially since I'm still making up hours that I was paid for but didn't actually work through the school year. I'm far from content to work at the co-op the rest of my life, or even a few years though. I want to DO something with myself, but I'm at an impass as to what to actually do, and there's still this problem that I'm terribly lazy. I tried getting into a grad level psyc course at UNB, but I wasn't allowed in since my marks don't meet UNB's grad school requirements. Boo. There goes any plan of being able to tell any possible supervisors "Look, I know my marks aren't the greatest, but I can do grad level work!". There's still the possibility of boosting my average. I could take some 3rd and 4th year psyc courses here, do my best to get A+, and get my average to an 80, or close to it. Or I could get some music courses under my belt and do the same thing, cept UNB or STU doesn't offer enough in terms of what I'd like to have. Or I could go back to almost scratch and get a useful degree, ie, one which could get me a job. I still don't know what I want, except that I don't want to let the situation wait for another year, which, uhhhmh, isn't all that helpful. I've been mulling about what to do with myself constantly for the past couple of months, and I've gotten little nearer to deciding what I want. My computer's fixed (again), hopefully for longer than a day or month this time. So that's what's going on with me these days. Nothing terribly exciting. Perhaps I'll get around to posting some pictures from my trip to Toronto in April. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 16th, 2007
9:59 am	What size is your travel mug? So I was just buying myself a coffee at the now Starbucks at the Harriet Irving Library. I go there often when I want a coffee and I'm on campus because it's the closest place for me just a walk in the underground passage away. I also try to bring my own coffee mug, to save a tree and all that jazz. Well, that and the fact that I can't seem to drink a beverage with the lids they have there, the sippy-cup style ones, without dripping all over myself. The problem with bringing my own mug is that there's the question about what size it is, and the thing with my travel mug at least, is that it's pretty tall, and the outside is fairly wide, but the sides are pretty thick, so it looks like it holds more than it does. Soon after Starbucks opened up there (sometime last semester; the other coffee shop there used to have much smaller styrofoam cups), I tested to see how much a small there filled up mug. They're 12oz cups, and it basically filled the entire mug, albeit leaving a little more room for milk/cream than the paper cup. I'm pretty sure I showed the lady at the cash at the time, although I might've just done it showing myself how much it was. Regardless, whenever I do use my coffee mug, I leave the lid off and put it down on the counter so that they can see inside how high I filled it. Since determining how much a small is, whenever I get coffee using my mug, I always try to make sure to fill it up lower than what a full 12oz one did, regardless of whether I'm getting milk or not. Well, at first, I wasn't sure how much it should come to with tax for any size, and I'm pretty sure I'd been charged everything under the sun for it. I figured out eventually though that a small coffee with the 10 cent discount for my own resuable mug comes to $1.77. And today was the first time I noticed that I was getting charged more. I saw the 10 cent discount, and realized that she charged me for a larger size coffee. I said something like "Oh, I always get charged 1.77 for it." I dunno if I would've said anything anyways, (probably) but a definite factor in me saying anything was that I had only brought a toonie, and the total was 2.04$. She gave me a look but without any fuss lowered the total. I felt kinda bad then, and I offered to show her that the coffee in my mug only made up a small. She said 'no, that's fine', but still had a look on her face, and I think I said again that I don't mind showing her that the amount of coffee I got was only 12oz, and I said I wasn't getting any cream for it either. I didn't show her, and I didn't insist beyond that though because I wasn't sure if that'd make her more or less upset, and there was a line-up behind me. It's sad that because she got mildly peeved, and understandably so, it got me mildly peeved, and I didn't leave my usual tip of 23 cents. Current Mood: blah (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 5th, 2007
3:23 pm	While perusing for articles which might be of interest to my boss, I came across an interesting sounding one about sex differences in persuasion in person compared to online. Although the experiment itself was pretty neat, the introduction was actually the most interesting part for me, firstly because, unlike every journal article I've read for the past 6 months, its about a topic which I've learned nothing about, and it doesn't rehash the findings of articles which I've already read myself. Secondly, I found a theory discussed in it pertained to me in a particular fashion. Essentially, it says that for in-gender'dyads' (I take it this mean for groups of 2 people), those people will act more stereotyipcal for that sex, as compared with a man and a woman. The stereotypical way for men to act, apparently, is to be more competitive, whereas for women it's to be cooperative. Now, usually, I find that I don't feel like I fit into stereotypical ways of acting, but the more I think about it, the more this seems to ring absolutely true for me. I would say that I'm a fairly competitive person. I like debating/arguing, and I like games. And I also often feel more comfortable around men than women for many things, and when I think about it, those are largely competitive things. I find myself worrying about making women feel stupid or hurt if I state my mind about things which they don't agree with; I'm worried they'll take it too personally or something. And I suppose that this leads me to probably being more pleasant to be with when I'm with women, but also makes me feel a little less like my actual self I think. This also made me think about why I often make male characters etc. online. I suppose I like being able to openly compete with someone, and I've definitely gotten the impression that men are more likely to do that when they think I'm a guy. I know that I come off as masculine on-line too, because there's been a couple of instances where people have sworn that I'm a guy, even though I've played a female character and said I was actually female. I've never used Vent or other verbal means of communication to game before, (family and friends aside: they know I'm a woman already) and although being able to communicate through speaking is definitely a plus, I think it's a little disappointing that people know your actual gender when using those things. I used to go into chatrooms and not announce my gender purposefully and I'd start ranting about "It doesn't matter what sex I am" and it'd piss people off. Once, people started saying I was a transvestite, which is kinda funny because at that time, I wasn't actually sure what a transvestite was. I'm definitely a fan of the anonymity being online gives because of the removal of so much stereotyping, and I'm a little saddened when I see the internet becoming a place where people put up pictures of themselves all the time. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
2:04 pm	Law I think I should rename the title of my journal to something like "Complaining Vern". It seems suitable. Yes, I'm going to complain about more things in this entry. On The Current, on CBC radio (no, I'm too lazy to link anything) this morning, I listened for about a minute before turning it off because of what this one lady who was being interviewed had said. I'm not even sure what the premise of the interview was, but I think it was something along the lines of how punishment should work. This lady had been raped at some time in the past (no tears or blubbering from her), and the guy had been put in jail for 20 years. She was asked about her involvement in the guy's sentencing, and she said that she let the courts do their job. I'm fine with everything up until now. She then made a comment which essentially said 'It's not my job to decide what happens to him, the law's the law. You can't/shouldn't try to worm your way around or through it.' And she made it very clear that she was referring to law in general, that it didn't just apply to her case. What on earth does she think the purpose of the law is? Law is law because it's supposed to help and protect people. If a law isn't doing that, or if you think it's being unfair, unjust, or uncritical about any given situation, then it's not doing its job and it should be fought. I know I'm way far left on this issue in that I almost think that law shouldn't exist, and people should just use their heads about situations where a higher council needs to intervene. I think maybe what my ideal is to have Common Law? (I'm not even sure what that is, but I think it might be what I'm talking about. I don't think people should be running around in anarchy.) This lady purposefully didn't intervene and said that people shouldn't intervene in situations where one's been wronged, and that's just the opposite of the way I think things should be. Gah, why do people think that they always have to concede to a higher power? What, your parents weren't strict enough when you were a kid? (Don't read that I actually know psychology about that, I'm just giving a low-blow.) I mean, the law's made by someone or some group, and there's no guarantee they've thought about your specific situation. Grrr, even the 'law' gave her the opportunity to intervene because it's been made to do so because most people aren't idiots who think that every situation is the same. I hope that she just thought that the law did exactly what she wanted it to do, nothing more or less, to her rapist, and she's adopted that stance only out of sheer ignorance. That said, and with all the whining I go, please don't be offended if you happen to carry a differing viewpoint than I do about stuff. I'd even like to debate stuff, but that tends to end with the other person pissed at me well before I've gotten myself fueled up enough to even give the benefit of being angry myself. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
10:21 am	neuro-typical I'm neuro-typical since I'm not autistic, apparently. While looking up grammar rules for the fairly unimportant control condition task for the mental rotation study I'm about to start testing for, I came across a blog that seemed to be focused on autism. The entry in particular had little to do with autism except that it had been used as an example for an essentially, 'are fetuses living' discussion. http://partprocessing.blogspot.com/2006/10/changing-into-versus-being.html A couple of times, NT is used, and only near the end is it apparent that it stands for neuro-typicals. I've heard the term used before online, and I thought it was just that particular person or a fairly small group of people who used that term, and I'm kinda shocked and definitely disappointed to find that it's accepted to the point of abbreviation such that anyone in the blogosphere about autism will apparently know what it means. I dislike the term. A lot. The very words mean that unless you're autistic, (probably largely those diagnosed with Asperger's specifically anyways, since I'm assuming that those are the autistic people who have entered the blogosphere ARE) your neurons are 'typical'. I'll give it that they probably think they're arranged typically, and that people with Autism have neurons arranged atypically. It ignores completely that neurons control waaaaay more than the relatively small differences in function between autistic people and non-autistic people. You could call people who don't have ADHD or depression neuro-typical too. Hell, you could call all right-handers NTs. It's a terrible, blanket term which I suspect some Vulcan-like person with Asperger's came up with to make themselves feel superiour. The first time I saw someone use it was in a post saying that people with Asperger's were superiour to those who don't have it, because they're more intelligent and don't have to worry about emotions and sex getting in the way of their thinking. And maybe that initial use of the term has scarred any further use of the word for me in that I can't shake the rest of the implication that that particular person put with it. Maybe only people who think Asperger's or autism is better than not having it use it as a term. Afterall, the blog, although not focusing on it at all, said they heard examples of people who say "Selecting an embryo with genetic markers for autism over an embryo without such markers is the same thing as making a nonautistic child autistic!", and it seems a really, really odd for people to select for autism, or even suggest that they might/do. Regardless of any 'that means I'm better than you' connotations used with the word though, it's still a very poor term. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 19th, 2007
11:09 pm	I'm not going to bother hiding anything behind a tag, but if you've just started reading Diana Gabaldon's series, or are planning on reading Gone with the Wind, then there are a couple spoilers. I talk about Catch 22 also, but no spoilers there. I got a bunch of books for xmas this year (actually, I only got books for Jordan and my aunt), but its enough to tide over my reading for the next few months. I'm a slow reader, and I'm surprising myself by actually taking time to read, because I had practically all-out stopped reading for pleasure through most of my undergrad life. And when I did read, it wasn't all that enjoyable, although that could've been my selection in books. For instance, I don't like Diana Gabaldon's series. Each individual section and mini-story makes sense and is often well-written, but the plot as a whole seems poorly tied together, and I simply wasn't drawn into the main character. She goes back in time and tries to stop some Scottish uprising, and she doesn't think at all about consequences of altering time (worse is that the idea is mentioned and immediately brushed off), and then when she discovers that she probably can't alter past events whatsoever, they just keep trying foolishly at it. Furthermore, although it IS the main plot, it got paid so little attention to it that it's infuriating. And then she gets all uptight about finding her dead husband she marries while in the past's grave, and gets all upset that he's dead and about the circumstances of his death, but only because she wanted to stop it. The storyline has a lot to it to drive the novel forward, but I kept feeling like things were just happening, and after one event was done, there was nothing to look forward to, and you had to forceably read through until another incident, with nothing to hold suspense or make you look forward and think 'Ohhh, I want to read about what's coming next!', and the adventuresome nature of the book invariably cries out for such techniques to make it to work. I don't know, it's been over a year since I read the first book and a half, and I forget a lot of things, but all these supposedly meaningful things weren't made meaningful to the reader, despite what seems a huge effort to make them so. I dunno, maybe I just didn't like the main character at all because I didn't understand her at all. Grrr, unless you've already read the first book and liked it, don't bother with them. They're trash. Moving along. I finished Catch 22 not too long ago, which Jordan got me for my birthday, which is a pretty good book. I found I couldn't devour it though in that I couldn't take reading more than a couple of chapters at a time. Too much...something, too much of that style of writing would make me go crazy, and I think I'd lose a lot of what the book has to offer if I passed that certain point of 'I've had too much.' The entirety of the book would become...hmm, what's the word...frivolous! that's it, which would include the parts that aren't supposed to be (seeing as a lot of it IS frivolous.) It's definitely a good book though, whose writing and style lends itself to not needing a driven plot (unlike the books written by Diana Gabaldon.) I've been told that the sequel isn't as good, and I would say that ANY sequel to that book simply couldn't be as good. It definitely has its own style and charm which I've vaguely seen attempted in the crappy writing of internet novelists (SO much garbage out there), and it involves a very skilled writer to make the style of the story work, and Joseph Heller does. The book is over-the-top, but is written oppositely, and it hits off. The characters are awesome. The other book I just finished reading is Gone with the Wind. (Yes, the one I got at the garage sale when me, Mon, Nathan and Jordan went down to St. John in August. Ha ha! I used 'me' not 'I') That was also a good read. Most of the incidents leading up to the ending seemed rather abrupt, possibly only because the rest of the book was very long-winded, however, I would've preferred if some of the scenes were actually 'lived' instead of described. For instance, Rhett's relationship with his daughter would've been more powerful I think if they had actually gone into a couple scenes involving her, rather than, still very aptly, describing his relationship with her. However, don't take this as a huge flaw -people seem to denounce movies and books who's endings aren't as good as the rest of the story, even though this ending is very, very fitting- it certainly isn't, and it is actually a very small role in the novel as a whole. I was immediately drawn into the book with an amazing setting. It rivals the setting quality of Robert Jordan's Eye of the World, which I happen to absolutely love. The story starts to develop, all the while keeping in mind that necessity of getting a solid background and cultural understanding. In both stories, the setting was unknown to me (well, all fantasty settings are unknown, and woe to the fantasy author who doesn't develop their setting well, for I shall not finish their book!), and I immediately fell in love with the Southern US before the American Revolution, all the while seeing its faults. Most of the novel is spent describing society and the changes it undergoes, which is itself a main theme of the story, and every single action Scarlett, the main character, takes is put into proper cultural perspective. Now this is an example of what some guy whose nebulous psychological metatheories were alluding to when he said something along the lines that all people are psychologists in that we have enough understanding of ourselves such that we can make up a characters and plots and everything else which follow all the 'rules'. Margaret Mead follows the rules to a T and successfully creates a masterpiece; Diana Gabaldon, although understanding these rules or else her novels wouldn't work out at ALL, seems to not understand how to implement them properly in her writing. It's odd; I didn't have any plans of anything I wanted to write about tonight, except that its been a week and I wanted something to talk about, and out of my head comes something which seems could easily be turned into an English paper with a little (or lotta) work. My God I'm boring. Current Music: Moby-Mission Impossible remix (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
9:58 pm	Culture FTW Tonight at dinner I tried to explain to my parents what L33T 2P3@K was. (I don't even know if I 'spelled' that correctly, but whatever). Well, as I suck at explaining things, I don't think I made a good point at all, but it made me think about the internet culture in general, and how my parents aren't a part of it at all. It made me kinda sad. There's so much out there that they're missing. And this is coming from someone who knows that she's not knowledgeable about a good deal of it, or rather, is probably only passingly immersed in it. (Maybe don't take that too strongly; this is a livejournal afterall.) It also reminded me about when me and Damian tried to explain to Mom the concept of farming in MMORPG's and we had to start from the very beginning with the general basics about how games like that work in general, something which I ignorantly didn't really think about having to explain before. It probably made me slightly sad because I know I don't know as much as I'd like to, and me, in my early 20's with little obligations, already feel like I'm falling behind in our ever-advancing technological-driven culture. And I wish I weren't. Maybe I'm not, and maybe I'm only doing as much as humanly possible in that I have to pick and choose sub-cultures to partake in and I just see other ones passing me by. I wish I knew more about 'things' in general, but it takes a concerted effort in me to do things like that. In fact, the only reason why I'm even partially knowledgeable about news is because my parents turn on CBC radio all the time, and I'm living at home. I never turned on the radio except as an alarm when I was away from my parents (which I could easily blame on the shitty radio reception in the entire Guelph area, but that'd be a lying and saying I actually tried), and I quickly was enveloped in the university student 'bubble'. I wasn't in any activist groups of any type at university either, which in a way surprises me a little, but that's something else. I'm not really exiting that bubble though. That's sad. I should. I want to. I like being knowlegdeable. I like being able to have an opinion, and I really don't like having poorly backed-up opinions, and so my lack of knowledge leaves me 'at sea' about a lot of things. Maybe that's the reason why I don't particularly care so much that I know nothing about pop culture-pop culture almost by definition doesn't involve 'discussion', although that also seems to be changing as discussion itself seems to be becoming very chique. That's a good thing, although it certainly puts me lower on some scale because I'm not up on a lot of discussion topics. Despite what Jordan thinks about my parents being cultured in their classical music preferences, (although as I've said before, my parents rarely just 'listen to music'-when I think about it, I think I got a lot of my like for music from church, but that's another topic) CBC listening, fancy clothes wearing, home-made meals and well-paying, white colored jobs, I still think he's more cultured than my parents in that he's living and partaking in more events and going out there and exposing himself to far more ideas and art in a day, through the internet, than they probably are in a week or even possibly a month. And more culture than I expose myself to too. But I guess that's not going to change until I stop living in my head and spending hours a day in loosely directed thought. But I like doing that too much, and it seems the only way to get me to stop doing that is to force myself into action through things like having a job, so I think I'm just going to stay an uncultured clout and watch as more and more of the world passes me by. Current Music: Koh Ohtani, Grotesque Figures, from Battle of the Colossus (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 7th, 2007
12:55 pm	The Dip The world seems to be going topsy turvy or something, because I ordered a chinese dish at the Diplomat last night, and it was actually good. The dish I ordered (I forget the name) was ever only so-so before, and I just ordered it because there was nothing else I really wanted and I wanted chinese food. It wasn't great, but I'll give it good. I hope they've changed other menu items too. Current Music: Blubbiest Places - Yannis Brown (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
9:14 pm	Sleep My pitiful excuse for a livejournal or blog or whatever you want to call something that's supposed to be updated on a regular basis is becoming even more pitiful. I guess that's what happens when you get a significant other and there's holidays so you actually get to see most of the people who might read your blog anyways. Anyways, on CBC's Ideas tonight, there was the first of a 2 part thingy about sleep. I missed most of it, but probably caught most of the last 20 minutes of it, in time to hear that different cultures have different sleep patterns, but that its hardly been studied at all. The guy doing the narrating had apparently undergone some sort of sleep experiment which I'm guessing was essentially just spending his time being focussed on sleeping and recording stuff. At some point in the experiment, he'd wake up in the middle of the night first only once, and then a few times afterwards, and be completely and utterly relaxed, and he'd drift in and out of dreaming while being in this relaxed state. It seemed that it was a very novel experience for him, which is a little surprising because this seems to happen to me all the time (although perhaps I'm not quite as relaxed as he was.) It happens if I get to sleep in, for instance, especially when I know its perfectly fine for me to be sleeping in that day. Actually, I think the times when it's been the most relaxing are the times when I've foolishly decided to screw life and all obligations, usually after going through the terrible feeling of, you know, having to DO something. It's actually kinda amazing how I managed to do that, go from a state of despair to one of utter relaxation, which I was probably only be able to do because I truly did throw off absolutely all cares and troubles and meanings; I certainly haven't developed this state in the past while. (Anyways, that entire section should be in parentheses, and not just this sentence-I do that all the time, nest thoughts into other ones. Wasn't there a UNB prof who did that while lecturing all the time?) As I was saying, I've entered into states which I'm sure are very similar to what the narrator/presenter was talking about, and I do recall the moment where, for awhile, I became quite good at entering that state from waking, as opposed to waking up and entering it. I thought it might've been something akin to meditation, because it happened after I had listened to 1, fairly short song, over and over for at least an hour. The little I know about meditation, which I'm sure is largely stereotype, is that people often hum or chant to enter themselves into that state, that the repition of sound helps something out. I wonder if what the guy was talking about is akin to meditation. I also wonder about the EEG readings (he must've been hooked up to EEG), and I wonder if the pattern is close to the one when people meditate. It probably is, and is probably already known to be so, and I'm just too lazy to look it up; there are only a handful, 4 or 5, categories of brainwaves. I also heard on Ideas that not only sleep but resting as well is correlated with increased levels of prolactin. Not minute increases, but apparently something fairly strong as well. Not that this means much in and of itself, (random chemical x increases when you're sleepy and sleeping, who would've guessed something like that would happen!), but it made me think about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. CFS is exactly what it says, and is one of these disorders/diseases which apparently know one knows of a cause or anything, and I hadn't heard about prolactin when I'd read about CFS before, but apparently, there is research out there showing that people with CFS respond stronger to some chemical which causes prolactin release than others. As I've said before on my livejournal I think even, I like sleep. I don't quite like it as much as I did a year and then some ago, but its still very enjoyable. Tomorrow night, Ideas will play part II of the series, and they said it would involve stuff about lucid dreaming. I've had lucid dreams myself, but mainly to the extent that I know I'm dreaming. In fact, I've had lucid dreams where even though I've figured out I'm dreaming, the dream still takes over, like my conciousness is too lazy or doesn't care of the fact that I'm dreaming, and I often lose or forget that it was a dream, yet I realize what actually happened when I wake up. Partially on the topic of lucid dreaming, awhile ago Nathan said he was able to fall asleep while remaining concious, and felt his body shut down and said it felt awful. From other people's ramblings on the internet, that seems the general consensus when they've done that or that happened accidentally before. I tried for awhile there to fall asleep and remain concious, but I couldn't do it. I dunno, unless I had heard of it, I would've said that you just can't 'fall asleep' unless you DO lose conciousness, that they always go hand in hand, but I guess I'm wrong. It certainly seems that my conciousness slips into random thoughts before my body enters into sleep often. I had actually forgot to keep trying to do that, and I'll probably try and fail again tonight. People say the counting method, where you keep yourself conscious through counting, is a good way to do it, but I can count in my head without me being conscious of it, the same way there can be a song in my head without me really being conscious about it. In fact, years ago, when I walked home from school all the time, for the heck of it I once decided to count while walking. I did that for a few days, and it quickly became second nature to me, and at times when I didn't mean to be doing it, I'd find that I'd be counting in my head and could be as high up as in the 300's before I realized. This I think has put a black mark on the counting method for me. However, from the only Richard Feyman book I'd read, he talked about him counting in his head not aloud like most people do (ie: normal people hear the numbers), he saw the numbers. (What I believe he was talking about in the book was something which psychologists have done for years and still do now in an attempt to figure out how things work in the mind, is that when doing multiple tasks, if one requires the same 'resources' as another, the task will become harder and more time consuming, whereas if the person can multi-taks while taking no loss to accuracy or time, the 2 things are then called separate processes). I tried doing that, counting through seeing, and that still failed, but I think its got a much better chance at working for me because that is very much not automatic. I think the main thing is, is that I'm not fully sure of HOW to fall asleep while remaining conscious. It just seems that if I focus on doing something, I'm just going to stay awake, but that if I don't focus, I'm just going to let my thoughts trail into oblivion. I have no idea how it feels, and I have no idea if I'm close or not. There's been times where it kinda feels like I might be falling asleep, and then I start focussing on the feeling of it, and then I'm just awake. Or else, I can almost feel different levels of consciousness, and I'm not really sure what 'level' I should be in. Apparently, I keep choosing the 'sleep' level :-p In anycase, I still want to experience remaining conscious while being awake, and will probably try sporadically at it for quite a long time. Well, that's my un-pre-written, un-proofread rambling for now. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 8th, 2006
7:54 am	Lamp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX5k_BV8y-0 For those unfortunates who never saw this ad. I think they generally broadcast a shortened version, but it worked just as well. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
10:04 am	Gender wordings Gender wordings usually don't bother me. I'm not a rampant feminist, and I don't usually particularly care what wording people use, and usually don't notice that it might actually be sexist. In fact, when it does, it usually bothers me because thing have changed. Like when hymns in church have changed the wording to make it politcally correct, and it throws off the rhyme and rythme of the words to the music. (And also makes me sing the wrong words when canting since I know so much off by heart.) Or those people who decide to spell 'woman' as 'womyn' or 'wimin' because its not right to have to have women as a subset of men, or something like that. If you're gonna go that far, why not change the word's sound too? Its still pronounced the same so as to be a subset of men. Lets change 'woman' to 'wozam' and plural 'wozom'. In any case, the opposite bothered me this time, meaning I think a wording is sexist. It mainly bothers me because I've found it in The Journal of Physiology, of all the uppercrust places. Eg: "We used a stimulus frequency (500 Hz)known to activate vestibular afferents in guinea pig and man..." This article was published 2005. I dunno, maybe its just me, but that just sticks out like a sore thumb. Their wording in general actually seems very odd, like the fact that they used singular there, and later on refer to 'the cat', as in, the entirety of cats, instead of saying 'in cats'. Maybe this is par for the course for scientific writings outside of social sciences, to not worry about sounding like it's the turn of the century, err, the turn of the previous century. On a similar note, an article I was reading yesterday caught my attention by the authors use of superfluous commas throughout. I mean, even if the author's not natively english, which happens quite often and god knows how they manage to get papers published in english when native english speakers have to work hard to have everything worded just so, but that's one of the jobs of editors. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
11:15 am	Crows Well, I've not updated in quite awhile (hmm, must be some sorta new phenomenon in the blogging world), and I feel kinda bad about it. Sorry. Anyways. I like crows. I dunno when I started to like them, but I do. They're very intelligent birds, like parrots and those sorts of ones. I don't really like parrots as much though, they don't fly around in murders, so they just can't be as impressive. They don't fly away or are scared of people. They'll look back at you straight in the eye, seemingly sizing you up. I swear they communicate with each other too. Most people dislike the caw crows make, and I must say, I don't particularly like it, but its become a sound I expect to hear many mornings. They do this echo thing, (actually, I've noticed other birds do that too. Like those birds which always sing a major 3rd descending. One of them whistles, another answers usually in a different key) where one caws twice, 3 or 4 times (I may or may not have heard 5), and then another one will answer with the same number of caws. Then, another one will begin, and do their own number of caws. And you can have multiples of these going on at once, although its harder to distinguish which call is mimicking what. Its like they've learned binary or something. Last week, I noticed a crow on campus that has a broken wing. I thought it'd be dead for sure by now, seeing as it only hops around, but I saw it again today. It was picking at something in the grass, but I didn't see anything that could've been food :-( Its just North of Kierstead hall, down the hill, beside the northmost set of stairs. I wonder if its wrong to call the SPCA or something. I feel really badly for it. It'll starve to death slowly, and as Jordan said, it'll probaby turn into food for the other crows, and probably before its dead too. :-( I couldn't help but stop and look at it as it hopped away, turning its head to return my gaze. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
9:29 pm	I'm disgusted At work today, I was witness to the development of one of the most disturbing human states. I'm at a loss for exact words as to exactly what it is, although I'm certain there's general way of putting it. In a nutshell, there was an issue with the till tonight, and everything *clearly* pointed in the direction of 1 particular person. The evidence went along the lines of something like this. Firstly, the general feeling for this person X is that she's slow at learning, she's not putting enough effort into doing a good job, she's not taking things serious enough, she's a little weird and juvenile. That she hasn't performed well from the beginning has black marked her, much in the same way I get an A-OK from people because I can usually pick things up quickly. Then there was an incident where was showing a product from the store she liked to another co-worker, hardly anything expensive, and the co-worker somehow knew that she didn't pay for it when she brought it up. This item stayed at the front where we work for a few days, and it kept being brought up in whispered conversation among the gossips who I work with. The item got returned to the store by someone who was fed up with clutter being up front. Apparently X asked the next day what happened to the item, but it was never, ever told to me that X said "Oh, I payed for that, it was mine", nor did she go back and try to get some more. Another worker lost money a little while back, and she was sure it was stolen from her purse. I don't recall anyone ever hinting at anything about X doing it, although I wonder if people brought it to mind tonight. It was mentioned tonight that there had been other issues going on with X, that I didn't know all of it. The only issue brought up when I specifically questioned was the item shown off to a co-worker, which I had, in fact, already known about. One of my co-worker's who was/is not impressed with the X has performed, told me a few days ago that she had blatantly lied about who's fault it was for a mistake which was made, and she couldn't stand it. X said that a different co-worker had done the mistake, as it was her who was showing her what to do. This other co-worker very much has seniority, but they also don't do the exact same job which we do, (anymore at least) and I've seen them make mistakes and be unsure when it comes down to the stuff most of us do. The co-worker did not believe for an instant that the senior person could have made a mistake, and was very unimpressed that X couldn't shoulder the blame. I suppose this could be an 'incident' that people were thinking about when saying 'there's been other things'. Someone mentioned something about a camera this evening, but that's the first I heard about it, and it wasn't from our specific department. In any case, the mood was ripe for instant condeming of worker X as soon as there was an issue with the till tonight. X was in a hurry to leave tonight. She was also acting rather giddy tonight, from what X said was a lack of sleep. As soon as there were problems though, and as soon as everyone thought it was her, people started saying, 'she was in a hurry to leave tonight' and 'she was acting all happy, no wonder, she's got money now'. No one likes this job enough that they're not happy to leave when their shift's over. Everyone acts up during the evening when things get slow and the minutes slow down to a snail's pace. So far, I've only described things which I know I shouldn't be posting on the internet, but I haven't touched upon the vehemence and anger that the people there working with me that night gave off. They got instantly stressed, angry and panicky. As soon as I said 'we can't be sure that X did anything', they just looked at me, and said 'there's been other incidents'. Now, I know I'm out of the loop a lot with things like this, because I don't like to talk about things like that, but I don't steer clear of it like I should, I'm too much of a busy-body and far too bored at work for that. I ask questions all the time if I notice whispering and its not meant to be hidden from me. Regardless, nothing anyone's said convinced me that X had stolen before, nor have her actions shown that she was the person who stole money. But wait, I'm not finished yet. After everyone got so...so...ack, I just can't help but bring to mind my co-workers as the jury in that TNG episode where they meet Q for the first time, and he puts them on trial, or like the way the kids become in Lord of the Flies. After people were starting to disturb me with their logical leaps and bounds, the person who noticed the problem in the first place (you're not actually supposed to do count the till at night) decided to complete all the paper work that's usually done in the morning. Might I add that that was the first thing I suggest be done while everyone else was transforming into a mob, but didn't actually get started until at least 5 minutes later. It turned out that although the cash itself was short, the actual funds collected from all sources (debits, visas, etc) matched up perfectly with the total sales rung in. No, things weren't perfectly right, but our total was correct. I'm fairly certain that tomorrow we'll find out that one of the people who worked earlier during the day did something odd with the cash, which HAS happened before. (One day while I was doing the paper work, I got a phonecall specifically from one of the people who worked this morning, telling me that she forgot to leave a note saying that the till should actually be short.) The worst part is that once that was found out, the atmosphere didn't change. I left the co-op with people shaking in anger, saying they wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, they're disgusted, saying that something's definitely wrong. No one heaved a sigh of relief, or a sigh of 'well, no one's probably stolen anything'. What the hell do you think X was doing, laundering money for chrissakes? She couldn't learn simple things in our system easily, and in her defense, she's probably not smart enough to figure out how to screw with the system on her own such that she could have pocketed an amount of money which, if she had, included small change. I'm just glad that my supervisor wasn't a part of it. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 21st, 2006
6:42 pm	just like me I got a hamster a couple of weeks ago. One of the people who I work with at the co-op's kids got it from a friend, and then a few days later she got guinea pig from her grandfather or something like that, and her mom didn't want her keeping 2 pets. So I took the other one of her hands. I've had rodents before. My sister had gerbils for awhile (and now has many more gerbils), I had mice for a bit, (they reek) I attempted to smuggle a rat from Guelph to Fredericton one year that I had trained for a psyc class of mine, (that didn't work, its a story that I must've told before), and I got another hamster from a friend who worked at Taco Bell, which unfortunately died about a month after I got her. So, I've got another hamster now. As my mom says, she's the feistiest thing she's ever seen. If you go near the cage, it claws through it while sticking its 'muzzle' out, trying to bite. (And she will bite). She's got beige-yellow fur, and red eyes. I called her Diabella. I've picked her up and held her when she hasn't bitten at all, but she only seems to do that if you pick her up while she's in something else. Then she becomes all curious about her surroundings, and seems to forget that the same fingers that she's sitting on now are the same ones which she constantly bites at. Very odd. I had some old cages from previous pets, and put one of them upside down on top of the other one so that she's got a 2-tiered cage, and if the 'bottom' is off the top cage, she can easily climb out to her freedom to roam the house. Of course, me being me, didn't put the lid back on a few nights ago. Needless to say, she managed to get out. She also managed to make it down the wooden stairs somehow without killing herself. Luckily, I take it she didn't decide to go off the sides of one of the stairs and fall the 1 story high drop. (I've come the conclusion that hamsters, at least the ones raised in captivity, are very stupid when it comes to heights, and will slowly climb over an edge where they have no hold onto, and then proceed to fall off.) I was very lucky when I saw her in the family room behind the couch the other morning. After 1 day, she looked extraordinariy scraggly. I was hardly home at all yesterday, and after I found her early that morning, and remember clearly putting the top back on so she wouldn't climb out again. I was then only home for about 45 minutes sometime during the middle of the day, and don't remember whatsoever opening her cage. I also don't remember her cage being open when I came home in the wee hours of the morning either. But yet, this morning, I wake up to see the lid very far away from her cage on the bed (there's NO WAY she could've put the lid there,) and lo and behold, she was gone again. I again fortunately found her this afternoon in my bedroom this time. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. I could've stupidly taken the lid off earlier in the day and not noticed. That's very much like me. Or I could've taken it off while I was sleeping. I honestly did dream last night about rodents escaping from cages. That might also explain why I don't really remember not putting the lid back on the first time, and my sleep's been really shitty the past few days. But I doubt that, honestly. Its just like me to not only do something forgetful once, but to do it again immediately afterwards. Like when I leave my wallet or purse somewhere. My life is boring right now. My research has become boring (I can't wait until I've exhausted the topic of perceptual training and mental rotation tasks), the co-op job is always boring, although at least I talk to people while working, and I've begun paying off my loan now, and I want it paid off ASAP, so I've not got much money to spend. I did buy myself a webcam yesterday though. Having it is kinda neat. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 7th, 2006
12:46 pm	The dichotomy of my life Ok, dichotomy might not be the right word to use here because these aren't opposites, but I like the way it sounds. As is usual for a Saturday at my parents', the radio's tuned to CBC and horks and corks (err, I know I'm not spelling that right, and I'm probably also getting the phonetics wrong). The radio, being in the living room, can be heard from my bedroom where I was/am. I was also listening to music on my computer. Moments after CBC begins a talk session where they're interviewing someone who won a Nobel Prize in biology or medicine (I listened enough to know that it was something to do with RNA), a song comes on which I like on my computer which, the instant it comes on, I know its going to be an instance of listening to it that I'm going to thoroughly enjoy. (It was a nighwish song.) I could either choose to listen to a key scientific finding, which would probably be explained very well as the show tends to do, where I might otherwise not ever hear about it barring actively searching for info about it (as if my laziness won't win over that battle), or I could listen to a song I've heard over and over, and which I easily have the power to listen to over and over where laziness is not likely to get in the way. I chose to listen to the music and then ponder my choice. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 2nd, 2006
5:51 pm	real time waster Fill it out. I dares ya. 1. Your Middle Name: 2. Age: 3. Single or Taken: 4. Favorite Movie: 5. Favorite Song: 6. Favorite Band/Artist: 7. Dirty or Clean: 8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ... 1. Do we know each other outside of Live Journal? 2. What's your philosophy on life? 3. Would you have my back in a fight? 4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? 5. What is your favorite memory of us? 6. Would you give me a kidney? 7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: 8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? 9. Can we get together and make a cake? 10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? 11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? 12. Do you think I'm a good person? 13. Would you drive across country with me? 14. Do you think I'm attractive? 15. If you could change anything about me, would you? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? 18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? (7 Comments |Comment on this)