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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in cavernio's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 13th, 2018
9:29 am
I am still a target

Someone, presumably the garbage truck men, threw a bag of garbage onto the lawn.

They have no concept of freedom. They are the same men who decided to stand in my driveway a couple weeks ago and take a break, while I screamed at them to stop harassing me. They looked up at me and laughed. That's what they all do generally, they are silent and/or they laugh. I don't know what lies they are being told, but I know what is right and wrong and they are wrong.

They are wrong. They are evil. They do not understand freedom. They have no morals and I hate them. They are being fed lies or else they just do not actually care about what's actually happening in the world around them.

I would actually murder them right now if I could, because they, and nearly everyone else around me, has decided that I need some sort of training. They are the people who need training. They just haven't figured it out yet. I will be a good little girl just as everyone expects and wants me to be when THEY LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE and TREAT ME WITH THE MOST BASIC OF HUMAN RESPECT.

In other news, white supremacists have decided to rally in Ottawa recently. They remind me of my stalkers. I would absolutely believe that I am being harassed by hate groups. They spread hate, so I'll hate them back.

Part of me legit believes that this is happening because in some random youtube video comment, back in February, I said that Hell's Angels will protect me. I actually think that they think I was referring to the criminal organization, that I was referring to them. Like, I would generally think that people aren't THAT FUCKING DUMB to think I have some sort of ties to fucking mobsters who only exist for money, given that, you know, right before that I was spewing nonsense about God and eternity and Jesus so like...maybe, just maybe, they would be intelligent enough to chain those things together and be like 'oh, she's actually referring to her existence as being hellish, (which it is because there are lies and no trust in the general public to not somehow be told about me and who I am), and she's putting faith in supernatural entities. She called herself an Angel of Death at one point even, and her browser history is full of buddhist things...is she actually a member??' But no. They're so full of themselves that using the word 'hell' and 'angel' refers to them. Have I called them stupid yet? Not enough apparently.

Hey Hell's Angels. You're fucking morons and if you weren't so fucking full of yourselves, you'd not be in the shitshow that's happening right now. Your confirmation bias is showing.

(I mean, I hate cops as much as the next person, mainly because they haven't protected me from anything in my life but rather they've just brought me against my will to the hospital over and over and over,  but doesn't mean I am with you or support you. Also just because I don't hate illegal drugs, doesn't mean I am with or respect you either. I am my own being, thanks.)

Wednesday, December 12th, 2018
11:13 pm
Because this is likely lost in my posts...

..here it is again

https://www.ted.com/talks/woody_norris_invents_amazing_things/transcript

It has been used on me pretty much daily.

It is psychologically damaging. It removes me from the rest of society. It is evil.

9:22 pm
I'm drunk so I have hope

https://davidsuzuki.org/what-you-can-do/top-10-ways-can-stop-climate-change/

she says while gorging on rum, cookies and chips. I need none of these things. I'm a horrible hypocrite.

Does it matter that I said I would continue to hurt myself due to not having privacy? Probably not. My actions are my own.

So long as luxuries are easy to obtain, we will continue amassing them and using them. My splurging cost me so very little financially, a few dollars. In aggregate across the planet? The results are priceless.

I will pay for this tomorrow. I may personally pay essentially nothing for it tomorrow if I'm not sick enough to not reach a state of zen, and if I choose that path to take. That's how powerful it is, peace, zen, whatever name you wish to give it. A hangover is nothing compared to it, the hangover is simply another state to live in which itself can be a state of grace.

Nevertheless, the garbage, the production, the time, the pain someone else goes through to make these products...was it worth it? What if they never went through pain to create these things? I know that I would go through a lot of pain to create any one of these products I am consuming. I hate factories, I hate factory work. It smells like poison, it's loud, people seem to go there for money but do not enjoy the work itself. Why is this preferable to us? Why do we support systems that makes us work in pain? Is it because most of us do not understand anything but samsaric existence, so we put samsara to work for us? (samsara meaning the cycle of addiction in a buddhist sense, not the overall cycle of life in a more hindu sense)

I know I am lazy. I know that, overall in a perfect world, laziness is a sin. But as a counterbalance to the greed it seems fitting, or am I deluding myself?

Why do we accept that we must torture ourselves to have comfortable homes, when that torture comes, often, not from need, but from a human-made construct of monetary value, wherein the money no longer accurately represents the value which it was designed to represent? Economics are a step away from reality. That is why they can not mesh with ourselves properly. It's the same reason language, words and communication sometimes fail us-- because they are but representations of our personal realities, often failing to represent what we wish them to. Yet still, through all of this, there IS a reality. Science studies this reality for us, or tries to. (Science, of course, is but an imperfect mirror of reality too...duh!). The experts in these fields tell me that Earth is heating itself.

I say I hate Military. I say I hate ignorance. I say I hate a lot of things. It is because these concepts I hate are not the individuals themselves, they are human constructs. These things I hate, they are not Real. Maybe you perceive this is the 'I'm not racist I have a black friend' ideology to you...maybe if I hate a stereotype it is because I hate a stereotype. (internally: omfg I wish I had more friends because the only friends I maintain are forced upon me with family and I treat them like shit, or else they are sexual to me in some way because that's a part of me I choose to expose only to some individuals.) I still shudder at the planet becoming barren. I feel so very sensitive to wrong-doings, and I feel so very incapable of dealing with them that I lash out whenever the slightest one of these occurs. I suppose this is why religious retreats exist, huh? 

An aside: Theosis is Enlightenment, same experiences, different names. It is Real. It was...surrender for me. Surrender. Freely surrendering. One cannot enforce freedom. Neither is it easy to interact with people when coming at the interaction from a stance of Knowledge of freedom, since most of us seem to not be free in the least.

Do you know that there are likely 1000's, if not more, -this very moment- who've passed through being brainwashed? The spiritually awakened. I am NOT unique in these regards. I am a unique being, but there are countless others too.

I will cringe tomorrow at this, no doubt. But it will be past then, and I will still be me. I will still be Me not matter what happens. I do not maintain my state, either. I hope that much is blatantly clear to you. I desire that my states in which I falter and fail are used as building blocks to those who seem to be studying me, as example, since that seems to be the role I must play.

I accept where I am now because I do not know the future. I love that I will never know the future. Don't you love that too? Would you actually desire to know the future, fully? I love my future blindness, it is a Divine Gift. The forward flow of time will never stop, no matter how much I learn from the past.

5:10 pm
that didn't last very long

I guess this cat...just couldn't stay away;
had to come back
the very next day.

Religions I have read a bit (or a lot) about and that I like:

Christianity
Buddhism
Hinduism
Islam
Taoism
Judaism

Religious wars are dumb. People who are anti-religion are dumb. People who enforce a religious stance on someone else are dumb, as they must surely know that one cannot enforce such a thing upon someone else. One's heart, one's soul, is not ever hidden from God, nor ever fully from themselves.

People who ignore the perils of climate change are perhapst the dumbest. People who worship greed, which currently sits as capitalism, are generally not dumb, but they are spiritually exceedingly dumb. It's hard to not discern the constant pain they live in though. Dumb things make people hurt, that's what makes them dumb.

I quite enjoyed reading much of the Book of Wisdom this afternoon, as is written in whatever version of the Bible my mom has.

Tuesday, December 11th, 2018
9:27 am
my protest of silence

I am refusing to live anything close to the life that I would rather be living, so long as I am being watched constantly like I'm 5 years old...actually, 5 years old have alone time. This is not a free society that does this. I am not free.

Needs: air, water, shelter, food, love, freedom

freedom is innate until someone else takes it away. My rant about tao and wheels explains it. freedom requires privacy. My body might be alive but my soul is not.

I will continue to purposefully hurt myself until this stops.

Sunday, December 9th, 2018
6:19 pm
still stalked

still being stalked, still have no privacy, still not going outdoors

My rights are gone. Excessively unhappy.

9:24 am
What does science + spirituality look like?

I've been on quora a lot lately. My kind of thing, answer questions I think I have good answers to.

Someone asked the other day 'How do you visualize time?'

I have given this more thought, I didn't answer it properly there. I see time as a straight line filled with cyclical events. But each event is never quite the same as the one before. This is because these events are instigated by consciousnesses, and we're never quite the same from one moment to the next, or from one cycle to the next. So when the question asked me 'how do I visualize hours, minutes, weeks' etc. Well, the time without anything observing it doesn't exist, so I must include that within each cycle, it is different each time due to the effect the observer has on it.

Obviously there are cycles of planets. We subdivide these cycles into more easily parsable packets of time for us as people.

But the people themselves, Us, WE create cycles too. Cycles of growth and collapse of civilization. Cycles of our work week. Cycles in our day like, eating supper, having a shower.

There are, too, cycles within scriptures. The titular one here, God created rest on the 7th day, is a piece of wisdom. As my mom has said 'If God didn't tell us to take a break, humanity would be too stupid to take one for itself'. We adopted it into our culture. But now, we have thrown it away. We furthermore don't need to restrict ourselves to defining 'a day' as being one literal Earth day. What is a day for us in this technological advancement cycle? Is it 1000 years? 10,000? 50? It matters not, the cycle exists relative to itself.

Alas, it seems mom is right. We're in the 11th hour of CO2 emissions being released into the atmosphere. And as I said before, we just don't see the full effects yet because there is a delay. You can't escape the karma that has been set, but it has not ripened fully yet. This is why we are all not panicking about our Global Oven.

Millions of hours of research, helped by probably thousands of people now, if not tens of thousands, has determined that Humanity is the cause of this Oven. Estimates put us that in less than 100 years, by 2100, the planet will have warmed 4-5 degrees.

What we CAN do, is intercede Right Now and take all the possible steps we can to abate it, or maybe even, some of the smartest of us, will reduce it even as this Greenhouse effect is still on the rise. This is the power bestowed on us by God, the power of free will, the power to intercede on our own behalf, and change the shape of our future. What on Earth good is prophecy if its disasters are not able to be averted? Of COURSE there are cycles of global change, we see them in evolution. It just makes sense that humanity, too, will have to face such encounters through the course of our history.

I now see humans as gods who mostly haven't dared to go that far in their minds. This is not to say that God-god is not real, or that people are somehow greater than the vast Unknown and Undefined in which we exist. Certainly not! Nested reality.

People have been creating for a long time now. We have advanced our technology in vast great leaps and bounds! We truly have been our own creators, of society, of gadgets, of concepts, of our place in the world. We can see how these things are, on some level, good. We ARE at the point in our cycle where we SHOULD be stopping, taking a breath, and enjoying the fruits of our civilization's labor.

Does taking as much time to sleep, rest, enjoy and spend time with your loved ones sound arduous? If it does, well, we're doomed if you don't. For most of us, our puzzle piece actions are a no-brainer.

The human machine is human-made and so is ENTIRELY possible to humanly brake. We know who the biggest polluters are, we know that we can simply STOP industry from functioning if we so choose. If there was ever a time for a Marxist uprising, now's it. Do you know what it can look like? Determing for yourself that you have your needs met, and relaxing upon knowing this.

What do I Need? I Need to not be slow-roasted. You need to not be slow-roasted too. How do I think this will happen? By recognizing that ALL my everyday physical Needs are well-beyond met. And yours *probably* are too. My spiritual needs I cultivate everyday.
________________________________________

Are you one of those non-believers in climate change? Are you maybe on the fence? I read another wonderful thing on quora the other day, a father told his son something like 'Either you believe and have faith or you don't. There is no hiding it if there is doubt' (Very Yoda-esque, wouldn't you say?)

Do you believe Global Warming is real? Yes or No.

https://www.nature.com/articles/srep45242.

https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2017/01/30/1609244114.full

http://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.1088/1748-9326/aa6825/meta

https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/9781351279994 (sounds like a good book)

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10584-013-0986-y

some graphs from above articles:



Fig. 1

Fig. 2.

Don't be fooled by local minima. The warming is continuous, real and was PREDICTED and is directly related to greenhouse gases. The NY times article I linked a couple posts ago explains how hard it is to get people to pay attention.

Despite my plea to all of us, recent discussion has led me to believe that the major polluters are industries, and not individual people. Maybe these industries should die a fire before we all die in a fire. Regardless, we will all have to make changes. Are you in a position to Demand that climate change be addressed by larger polluters? If you are, use it.

Huh, first page hits in google scholar of recent articles on climate change shows an article entitled "What is Sustainable Development?" The sidewalk graffiti I passed regularly on my walk home from school growing up had a grim answer: 'A Deadly Fantasy'. Seems akin to 'sustainable greed'. You want peace? External peace begins with Internal Peace.

Running faster can mean speeding up the treadmill which means we have to run even faster...yeah.
----------------------------------------

-Sincerely doing my best,
one who has seen the Angel of Death

Saturday, December 8th, 2018
2:52 pm
what about days off?

A solution I can think of for addressing the Global Oven we're cooking in right now, would be an enforcement of days off. Legally, through government. Enforce Sunday off, Saturday off, even Friday, depending how drastic we need. This seems as if it would cause the least social disruption while straight-up cutting down on carbon emissions of businesses. Do not allow industry or factory or business to be open more than 12hours/day or something like that. Bare minimal services maintained those off days, like police and hospital. Enforce a travel ban also. 

Days off would also address the mental health issues we have.

Innovation and inventive people would still think during those times, so it's not like we'd be slowing down all progress of switching to sustainable energy sources. 

Not that I don't desire a more equal world to live in, oh how that would be nice, but social upheaval is painful.

If everyone were to have to abide the same rules changes, there would be no relative change to this process, meaning little social upheaval locally where the changes happen. Of course, industry could move to another country whose laws are less strict...but only until more countries get on board with their own ways of combating our destruction.

9:06 am
666

Global Warming is currently set to Mass Extinction.

It Will Eat Your Children. It will probably eat me in the process.

8chan gave me that number. I think I will adopt it.

You are too ignorant to know what you Need. You haven't gone to your corner long enough. I strongly suggest you go back there.
The best thing in the most immediate short-term ends up being the best thing in the farthest long-term. I understand this as a Universal Truth.
There is no such thing as Economic Need. The economy is great right now, yet there are still people who are starving. We are still not meeting everyone's Needs.

There is peace in the Here and Now. Hope? I do not need hope, the future is now.

Options:
-You can be content with grasping that sitting and doing nothing (ie: meditating) will change our global environment while believing that every minute you do nothing, you are saving humanity's future.
-You can believe that the Holy Spirit did enter me (I believe it did) and believe in signs and portents of the Bible
-You can adopt the full intellectualization and understanding of Karmic Laws that describe, quite accurately, cause and effect on large, evolutionary scales, and how they BEGIN from individual states of being.
-You can take meditation and use it selfishly for your own good. <--- best of both worlds right here

Alternative steps to turning into a complete lump:
Demand your government finds Carbon Neutral ways of supplying us with electricity. Because even I am failing on the 'live without electricity' scale. The globe might be hot, but it's below freezing outside right now. I might be able to sit and do nothing like a lump, but I'm still using my computer.
Demand laws based on science and saving the planet.

Everything you want, everything that is...recognize what is Need versus what is Want

Drastic? Of course this is drastic. (It is less drastic than a North Korean-type regime.)

Every new human generation has an increased ability to adapt to dramatic lifestyle changes, because to them, it will just be normal. It is only us older generations who must accede to these changes within our lifetime.

We need to slow down the treadmill. If we place all of our hope on science to save us, that is demanding we keep apace with a fast-moving treadmill. The treadmill's speed is controlled by our own individual pace of life, but only gets noticed after the fact. Much like how the hottest part of the summer is only long after the solstice, there's a delay. Ingenuity and intelligence will only get us so far.

My laziness is good on a global scale.

Friday, December 7th, 2018
4:47 pm
in other news

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/01/magazine/climate-change-losing-earth.html

A reiteration of an older post:

Here's a topic I enjoy these days: How humanity is causing the mass extinction that we're living through and how best abating it would start with individual self-awareness.

3:45 pm
privacy yet? no, not yet

I've experienced nothing so bad as having everyone else pretend that they own me.

Its the same pattern of behavior that made me leave Cobourg, people following me, looking at me, pointedly not looking at me, acting like I am not an individual, acting like they know me in some way, acting like I am flipping out for no reason.

They're stupid. And incompassionate. They look at me expectedly now, expecting me to flip out at them. Why would they know that? How could they know that, if they weren't privvy to things about me that they should not actually know? They wouldn't.

They don't even have the decency to question their actions. They are so smug.

Thursday, December 6th, 2018
5:20 pm
one of things is not like the other

"Are you OK with Google tracking you?"

Why yes, yes I am. I am OK with an AI whose sole purpose and actions are to take my data and store it for my own future purposes. If it's being used in conjunction with other things, shitty-ass laws for instance, then it would be the laws that are in error. That's how I see it.

This is NOT the same as being OK with someone programming it to act poorly, or someone taking control of it and then having a HUMAN track me. This NOT the same as being viewed as some sort of potential threat to society and therefore, I must be monitored 24/7.

I could use real-world examples of where, yes, someone can break into my house. It's totally doable. Hell, you might even be a locksmith, and have keys for half the city. That means you should break into people's houses, right? Just to show them how stupid it is to do such a thing? No, you shouldn't. It's morally corrupt. It's illegal. And it would land you in jail.

I expect the same sort of law-enforcement and set of moral standards for society to happen with data. Eventually. And given that if someone has taken control of any electronic system that is mine, it is not feasible for me, the victim, to obtain proof of it, as it could simply be taken away. Why, that would be like saying 'well I know I had a TV and a couch that was stolen' but the police officers would insist that I prove to them that I had a TV and couch.

I've obviously been tracked via satellite, as well as the consistent monitoring of my online activities.

11:49 am
not impressed

I am fully NOT impressed with the actions of those who have deigned to publicize, or fake publicize, my online and/or in person sexual life. (think tech...)

I hope you realize that due to desiring privacy of my sexual life and being, I will likely just stop acting on any part of sexuality, and it will be due to the lack of privacy I have, and nothing more.

However, I understand what this will appear like to some people, as it plays right into the hands of people who think that spiritualism and spirituality necessitate sexual denial. They absolutely do not. (While I am still aware of practices that advocate denial of such actions in general, and I acknowledge their importance.) I am needlessly being denied the opportunity for a private (and therefore CONSENSUAL) sex life. If my options are 'sex and be watched by who the fuck knows' or 'no sex'...I hope you like strong-arming people into conforming with religion. Because that's one of the things I dislike about religions you know, and why they can be very dangerous, through the enforcement of others into conforming with their practices, instead of freely letting people join the practice.

Monday, December 3rd, 2018
8:32 pm
went outside

Had a walk. Of course had people follow me. I feel dead inside.

Not that I'm not being watched while in my room too as I write this, but, you know, that's not physically around me.

People disgust me.

11:36 am
I have a physical illness

It's called celiac disease. Ingestion of gluten, somewhere along the lines of 10-20ppm (that's parts-per-million to those people who don't understand...so small that weight doesn't even matter as a measure) triggers an inflammatory reaction that starts in my small intestines. I also seem to get nervous system damage from it, if I've been 'glutened' as I call it, my emotions and concentration are the first thing to go, I get tired, and I will then get nerve pain, usually in my extremities first, but it can move all over my limbs. A few days later I will get itchy bumps on me. Given the non-visual symptoms, and my general propensity for high emotions, its sometimes hard for me to determine exactly what's gone on. I usually only realize after-the-fact, when I have an itchy bump, 'oh, so that's what happened, my nervous system got inflammed the past couple days' when I notice I've acted out worse than I otherwise might have.

I realized the other day that if, say, I will have 'glutening' reactions for up to 2 weeks after ingesting some level of gluten, and if there's a 1% chance I will be glutened at any meal, and I eat 3 meals a day, I'm up to nearly 40%-50% of my life under the effects of celiac disease. Even while being pretty damned close to 'gluten free'. So yeah, it's my norm.

This combined with my certainty that I have various medications stored up in my fat cells (not just weed), is why on a biological level, I have some instability. I've understood that the mechanism by which addictions grow is the same mechanism by which withdrawal occurs, from my psychology degree. I understand that being exposed to minute amounts of a drug that one was once habituated to (have built up a tolerance too) will invariably trigger withdrawal. This is the nature of drug addiction. When your body receives a small amount of a drug that when it used to only get large amounts of the drug, that initial burst of drug can be enough to trigger the rest of your body into full-blown withdrawal mode, because your body has been trained, earlier on, to -think- that it's going to be getting a full load of the drug, and your body reacts accordingly. Maybe I am just making it up, that losing weight makes me go through drug withdrawals, but I also have a hard time imagining its not happening to some extent.

7:48 am
7:41 am
withdrawal

Every pound I lose puts me through psychiatric withdrawal.

I don't recall all the medications I've been on. All of them are fat soluble though. All of them have had horrible withdrawal.

I had what I believe to be fake sounds wake me up again. I. Do. Not. Trust. You.

Fasting is a religious practice. I don't like to eat much these days because I am not hungry, everything in my house is fucking chanced to have gluten on it (yeah I got another itchy....why don't you go and fight food label laws instead??). Not eating a lot or binge eating is how I work. Its also good for the planet.

Did you know that I checked my crawlspace in the hopes that I was going to find equipment there that was responsible for me hearing things? Hoping that somehow, I had seen a way out of being watched, that I could bring equipment I would find out and upstairs, be able to show my parents with proof that shit was happening to me? NOPE. THAT WAS APPARENTLY JUST STUPID OF ME TO THINK THAT SOMEONE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAINTAINING THIS TORTURE CARED ENOUGH TO ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.

You might have allowed me to be more fully aware of what is going on, but you did NOT get my permission. If you want to catch people, do it on your own time with willing participants. And now it's all gone to shit because I'm public about it, which I'm going to do because I Hate All Military.

You don't get it. There are no sides. There is my side, that you are ignoring that I need my privacy, and there is a side that is trying to protect me so I still have it, without actually -telling me explicitly about it- because I'm supposed to be catching pedophiles or some bullshit. So, not respecting me there either. That other side also thinks its OK to tell me when I should or shouldn't wake up. I woke up and put in earplugs.

If you want to stop Child Abuse, this isn't the way to do it. If you wanted to HELP me, you would have LEFT ME ALONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. If you wanted to RECRUIT ME you would have ASKED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. If you think I'm going to HARM A CHILD ON PURPOSE you're FUCKING STUPID. You're obviously going to do whatever the fuck you want anyways, so go ahead and spy on the fucking world and intervene. You don't need my permission. BUT LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.

Do you know who else lives in Colorado? That buddhist woman someone deigned to have dress up and have follow me around. Do you know why I didn't give her thanks of my shoutouts page? Because nothing she'd said or done I encountered before my meditative death experience. Or if I had seen it, it hadn't resonated with me on any deep level. Which actually wouldn't have been that much of a stretch to consider, that some buddhists somewhere were trying to do something helpful for me, DUE TO THE GIANT BUDDHA STATUE that was erected on the roadside the day I went to a prolife march. Mainly to see my bf. But, as you of course know too, I feel pretty horrible about my own abortion. It fucked up my relationship, (not that it needed much help there) and once again, 'healthcare' fucked up AGAIN in not allowing the FATHER OF A CHILD to see HIS OWN CHILD on an ultrasound. Like, hello? Did it look like he had come along with me to the clinic, because he was a horrible person to not be trusted in the same room with me????

I am sickened by thoughts of "my" (because I own it, right? That makes sense! I don't even own myself you fucking morons) military playing psychological tricks on "enemies", by using drones, by distancing themselves from the harm they are doing in order to try to protect themselves from their own PTSD. You're supposed to have PTSD when you do shitty things. You're supposed to have PTSD when you opt to go to war. All you're doing is making it so that an individual can grow into being an authoritarian figure WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO LIVE THEIR OWN CONSEQUENCES. Do you understand how DISASTEROUS that is? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS WHY WE STILL HAVE WARS GOING ON TODAY? Some asshole in charge, that everyone listens to because we're unenlightened masses of sheeple, doesn't get to live firsthand the realities of the orders that they carry out. We, of course, do this so they can keep doing their job properly.

Given that my morality is 'do it to yourself first' you can see how this all plays out.

I'm none too happy about BS that happens overseas, trust me. I'm none too happy about the abuse, neglect and poverty that happens in what's supposed to be my own country either too, so...

If you want to go to Peace, use words of wisdom.

If you want to make people insane, lie to them and drug them. Then lie to them SOME MORE while trying to GO OFF THE DRUGS. THAT'S A SMRT IDEA!! We'll be supportive THAT way I'm SURE.

Friday, November 30th, 2018
7:32 pm
privacy
I need it more than anything else right now and in the foreseeable future. If you want to grant me a wish, you'd give me that.
8:45 am
the same

Maybe you wouldn't all look the same to me if you weren't all hip-deep wading in shit. I mean sin. I mean negative karma.

Quit scaring my cat. Quit harassing me. Sides? Your concepts of 'sides' is not representative of basic reality, and I reject them.

Only a...<insert here>...would turn you down, would turn this down, right?

My side hurts.

Thursday, November 29th, 2018
4:46 pm
bleeding

I have non-menstrual bleeding now.

I have significant pain in my back on the one side still.

Given the other technology that's been used to harass me, I'm beginning to believe that this has been done to me, and is not the natural phenomenon that I thought it once was. But maybe not. I'm just actually starting to believe that it could be.

Entirely possible I've been being targeted with being glutened, seeing as its been pretty clear to me that my house has been broken into at different points in time. Maybe not for that though either.

https://www.wired.com/story/mind-games-the-tortured-lives-of-targeted-individuals/

http://pathikdeb.blogspot.com/2014/06/gang-stalking-hellish-crime.html

Wonder why I'm not going anywhere else? There's nowhere else to go. Online or offline.

I don't believe that my mind is being read. I believe every ounce of information I have posted online is being collected though.

I know that I am being followed. I know that I was chased out of Cobourg. I know that there is a direct relationship between things I have said online and then within minutes, people outside representing what I said online. I know that things that were supposed to be in private phone conversations or text messages or on facebook, were shared. I know that I have no privacy.

I know that I have no privacy, and I know that that is not my doing, and that it is wrong for anyone to be stalking me for any reason whatsoever.

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